24 taught me how to recognize love in the cracks of the pavement;
to know it's there, regardless of where it comes from
24 showed me how to break old agreements and make new ones
and that how long you know someone means nothing, while continuity is everything
I'm learning to perfect my magic thru words written, said, and thought
ultimately transforming from an outline of prayers into who i've always been, but never seemed to recognize
i still lack some patience and mourn over the life i didn't lead and loves lost
but above everything
i'm owning all aspects of myself
and that is my divine passage into 25
i met a sadness that, from time, creeps into the corners of my joy
it's ominous in presence and foreboding by nature
—but only if i let it
so like alchemy, i turn this sadness into words, write them here, and rip the pages
in hopes that the feeling can re-enter the universe and become something more beautiful
you're turning pages of books by the thousands
endlessly seeking The Definitive Guide To You
you need to know: where do i go?
what year
what generation
what lifetime
needs my presence so i can heal?
and finally feel ok
just being here
forgive me
self
for looking for reasons
to believe you weren't worthy of love
for pulling needles from haystacks
and saying
"see, something must be wrong"
my reach was fearful
but your love is stronger
the sun touches your skin at 9am sunday morning
you start to cry realizing
that light traveled 186,282 miles per second
just to bring you warmth
& give you life
it is then you know that the dark night of the soul is over
i walked around with my mother's words right beneath my rib cage for 20+ years
some of them were beautiful like "always put God first"
and some became painful overtime like "love is earned"
in the beginning they gave me direction, until one day i noticed they put me on a path that wasn't mine
i panicked for 215 days before i slowly began to free the words from beneath my rib cage
every day, i nurtured the words until they felt safe enough to move on in peace
it took 700 days of navigating the unknown in imperfect resilience
and then the fun began
i got to choose new words to guide me on a path that was just for me
i unboundedly welcomed the likes of
"if you are drawing breath, you are worthy"
"just add ginger"
"writing is healing"
"love never left you"
and as an homage to my mother
"always put God first"
you’re standing here a deep prayer manifested
exactly how i’ve talked to God about you.
you’re standing here a dream come true
of your mother and her mother and her mother
perfectly placed in their power
existing in the highest light